| Very simply, your self-esteem is what you think of yourself. People can praise you to the heavens, but if you inwardly loathe yourself, your self-esteem is necessarily quite low. Others can revile you, but if your self-esteem is real and deep, you can withstand even the most violent criticism.
I have always thought Nichiren was a man of extraordinary self-esteem. By this, I do not mean he had an inflated ego. He wasn't looking for praise, awards and honorary doctorates. Rather, he had a deep sense of his purpose in life, and profound confidence that, no matter how terrible his situation -- whether it was his near-execution or his banishment -- somehow every moment of his life was serving an important function.
Many of us have truly rotten self-esteem. We have disappointed others and ourselves. We have failed to keep our word, honor our commitments, follow through with our resolutions. We feel a sense of failure or inadequacy that no amount of worldly success, reassurance or "attaboys" can resolve.
The daily practice of chanting and reciting portions of the Lotus Sutra is one, positive step toward healing this inner pain.
To do something daily -- or even weekly -- is an accomplishment. If you were to take a walk around the block or work out our do chores each day at an appointed time, I think your self-esteem would improve. One of the keys to liking yourself is doing what you say you will do, or doing what you know you should do. The specifics are different for each of us, perhaps.
The same principle applies to Nichiren practice, but there's another element, too. When we chant, it's as if we're keeping a promise that we made in the distant past. At the same time, we are renewing this promise. It may sound minor, but it is a very powerful thing spiritually to keep one's promises and to renew them regularly, regardless of religious affiliation.
In Buddhism, we keep and renew our bodhisattva vows. We remind ourselves that we are on a mission in this life -- even if we don't know exactly what it is or how it will play out. We know that there is a purpose to our being, and that our thoughts, words and deeds have effects that mostly remain unseen, but are consequential. Amid uncertainty and calamity, we can keep our center because we know how to find our center. We return to it each time we practice.
Performing the outward act of daily practice is a step toward real self-esteem, toward liking yourself and trusting your life. At no time has the opportunity passed you by. If you have stopped practicing, you can begin again -- just as you can start working out again after a long period of pain, confusion or inertia. The practice is still here for us even if we at one time abandoned it. |
